When a text from a wrong number becomes a six-hour conversation...

Thursday, October 18, 2012 | | | |
 Whenever I get a weird text from a wrong number, I'll assume it's one of my friends, and if it's not I'll play along anyway. I'm still not entirely sure what happened here, but what follows is a three-day long tale of I don't even know what.

I present to you, The Tale of Dennis:

"Dennis" doesn't give me any parameters, so I make him work for it:

"Dennis" sends me a picture of him half naked in front of a mirror, completely disregarding my request:

I am not satisfied with his offering but I decide to be kind and offer him an alternative, even though I don't think I was being too difficult with the first request:

Before getting any further in this relationship, "Dennis" decides he needs to know a little more about me. If this is a prank I refuse to be the first to fold, and if it's not he doesn't know what he got himself into:

My bad "Dennis", you apparently can spell...

Sometimes I throw in Kirby emoticons to add to my element of confusion:

"Dennis" thinks he can get something for nothing. I decide to give him one more, easier try:

"Dennis" gets sick of me playing hardball and tries to let go:

I'm clearly so seductive that he just can't let go, though:

At this point I start getting bored of this constant push and pull where neither of us are getting anywhere, and after a quick Google search (and a friend's recommendation) I decide to throw Dennis a bone and send him a picture that will obviously send him into a lustful frenzy:

Wait, it actually sends him into a lustful frenzy?

I figure that since I finally sent Dennis a pic, he should have to give me what I want:

At this point I was granted the misfortune of receiving not ONE, but TWO dick pics from "Dennis". I have omitted the images from this post because the internet has seen enough of that. Staying in character, I berate him for not only escalating the situation but still not giving me what I need. He doesn't realize that I'm in the position of power here:

"Dennis" still doesn't get it and tries to let go of me again:

Aaaaand he comes back, as if I'm an ex with a vice-like grip on his metaphorical balls:

He offers me a video and sends it, which thankfully is so blurry that I can't even make out what's going on:

At this point it's getting pretty late (this started at 7 PM or so, it's now 12 AM) and I'm getting bored of there being no progress OR panda suit. Whether it's a prank or not it's time for it to end:

I decide to up the ante even more:

At this point I hope it's an actual person who I just scared the crap out of, because there is no more response:

...until 6:29 AM the next morning:

Now I'm getting even more bored, so I decide to end it once and for all:

"Dennis" tries to justify his actions, citing that this was an April Fool's joke... in October:

I am still not sure whether this was one of my friends pranking me (which is what I'm assuming) or whether "Dennis" is actually named Dennis and was dropped on his head as a child and sends his dick pics to strangers, but at this point I've decided to stop the game and leave them hanging, for eternity. If Dennis is real, I feel slightly bad for breaking his heart. But not really:

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Anonymous said...

This was incredible. More content please!

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